It Must Be Love, Love, Love...Or Not.
We thought we'd get into the cute and cuddly, pink and fluffy, sugar coated spirit of Valentine's by sharing with you some tales of dating woe as have befallen team Rokit. Conclusion: love is not a many splendored thing, and the world is full of weirdos...
A member of the web team - let's call her Miss X - went on a first date with someone. By the end of the date they were in a Tesco carpark getting stoned, before returning with suspiciously red eyes to his parent's house, where he told her he loved her and his Mum and Dad dug out his school reports to show her. May we remind you, FIRST DATE.
Inexplicably, Miss X went on a second and indeed third date with Tesco Stoner. The last nail in the coffin came when she arrived at his house one afternoon to be ushered into the garden, where he decided to Formula 1 stylee shower the lawn (and Miss X) with a bottle of champagne nicked from his Dad's drinks cabinet. Tesco Stoner Sr. - presumably having sauntered out of the bedroom where he was wooing the missus to crack open that bubbly they'd been saving for when T-S Jr. was out of the house - appeared shortly thereafter, stark bollock naked on the patio, incandescent with rage at said misappropriated booze.
The Life & Times Of... A Bad Date:
Aged 17, another member of team Rokit met a passably handsome guy in a club. He told her he was 23. They arranged a date at the local Wetherspoons (quelle glamour!). After the first 10 minutes, he had told her all about the untimely demise of his childhood pet hamster, and his dad (in that order). He then proceeded to whip out his self-published autobiography detailing his travels in Thailand, scrawled "To (Miss Y), Good luck with your A-Levels, all my love" with a well practiced autograph, on the inside cover, and slid it across the table as a gift. Miss Y left as soon as she could, and upon reading excerpts of said book discovered that the guy was not only 33 rather than 23, but had also shagged his way round Thailand and probably had the clap. Lucky escape.
An anonymous member of the Rokit Recycled team told us of a particularly harrowing blind date with a Greek cliche (all chest hair, medallion necklace and wet-look gel). After sitting down, our anonymous bad-dater unzipped her boot slightly to scratch her ankle; at this point Chest Hair let out an animalistic moan. When asked if he was ok, he purred "I have a thing for zips...". There was no second date.
Locked Door & Two Smoking Dates:
One of the lovely laydees from our Brick Lane store stayed over at a guy's house. Next morning he left before her saying he had to meet a friend but she could take her time. Before she was about to leave she popped into the bathroom. She had forgotten the lock was broken. Horrified she realised she was locked in and her mobile phone was in the bedroom. She tried shouting and knocking for a bit but there was no one to help her out. EIGHT HOURS later she finally heard the front door open. The guy's flatmate that she had never met before had come home. He managed to open the door, gave her an angry look and didn't say a word to her as she left. When she finally came out of her tube station, she saw her date from the night before, sitting in a bar over the road having a date with her friend...
The Crying Game
One hapless Rokit employee found herself on a date with a dashing young gentleman she'd met at a student club night. When she met up with him, she quickly realised he was, to quote the Sex Pistols, pretty vacant. However she decided to go to the cinema with him in Leicester Square - no chance of painful silences there. He explained he only had enough money for his own ticket, so she went ahead and bought her own. When he came to pay for his, his card was refused (several times). She ended up buying his ticket. After the film, they walked to the tube where she said she thought it was best if they didn't see each other again. Instead of quietly agreeing as she expected him to, he started crying. Loudly. She left. Pretty sure there may have been delays at Leicester Sq station that day due to a passenger on the line...
We've had a late entry to our call for bad dating stories from a former Rokit employee, who shall remain nameless...
"Joe from Sheffield threw his phone number at me over the counter when I worked in a shop and reminded me of Mick Jagger, so I texted him - and it was all downhill from there.
When I met him at the station he was wearing cowboy boots, this is a major no-go for me (although if you're that way inclined, get the look of bad-date Joe here). He bought the first round of drinks and it was going okay, but we were struggling a little for conversation.
Then he took me to a blues bar, the place where he plays keyboard every week and I think he kind of felt like a celeb there. He ran out of money, so I was buying all the drinks from this point. He was also smoking all my cigarettes. So whilst he was being a celeb in the blues bar I was chatting to some fun old northern guys, one of whom was the doppelganger of Harry Hill/ They invited us to a 'members only' club where Joe was playing piano and everybody was singing along. I thought all was going well but then Joe told me he was leaving because I was hanging out (/flirting) too much with everybody else and we were supposed to be on a date.
We had a full blown drunken argument all the way down to Tottenham Court Road, and when we went to go our separate ways Joe said "Shall we just forget about this fight, get a bottle of wine and go back to my place?" I then got on the bus and went to an exes house instead, because I was secretly in love with him and in denial about this.
And that's the story of Joe from Sheffield. He never came into the shop again."